SA History and Same-sex Lust
SA founder's experience
of same-sex lust
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) began in the early 1980s, around the same
time as other 12 Step programs dealing with sex compulsivity were
forming. SA has always approached same-sex behavior differently to the
other "S" fellowships.
Roy K, the SA founder has written of his experience of the same-sex
world:
Years
before recovery I lived for some months and slept in the same bed with
a singer whose lust was same-sex. I was his agent, trying to break him
into show business. He wrote me love letters, and I had to hug him
before every performance so he could sing better. I wanted to make a
million dollars.
We auditioned before Jack Entratter at the
Sands in Las Vegas and MCA in Beverly Hills. That experience introduced
me to the gay world and gay lust. Matter of fact, it helped me see
myself better.
The very first phone call I ever made in
recovery was to a man in AA who called himself “queer” (he anguished
over it). He carried me across that first impossible leap to freedom.
My first sexaholism sponsor in AA had been a homosexual prostitute
before getting sober in AA. He took me under his wing. He
understood what I was going through; he identified. He saved my life.
He later committed suicide.
My “First Aid,” partner (p. 5 in the White
Book), called himself “bi-.” He later married in sobriety. He was one
of the original three members when SA got started in 1981. The third
member was married. I knew I was no different than the gays and bi-s,
and they felt the same about me.
These
men were part of my very survival. ..... Many of my
closest
personal friends in the fellowship are recovering from same sex lust
and experience.
These quotes are all from
History
of the SA Sobriety Definition and Interpretation of "Spouse" and
"Marriage"
In the
SA main text (Sexaholics Anonymous aka The White
Book) he refers to his own ventures into same-sex
lust:
The more
I indulged, the broader the spectrum of possibilities for feeding the
obsession, including crossing the gender line.
(Sexaholics
Anonymous, p.16)
History
of SA Sobriety Definition
In 1998 the SA founder wrote a
history of the development of the SA
sobriety definition and of the challenges to it.
Disagreement with SA's sobriety definition has led to the formation, by
former SA members, of 2 new fellowships,
Sexual
Recovery Anonymous and
Lustaholics
Anonymous.
The SA founder writes to SA
members with same-sex lust - 1998
Also in 1998 Roy K wrote a
passionate
letter to SA members dealing with same-sex lust.
This letter addressed some of the critics of the SA approach to
same-sex issues. The following extracts are from this letter:
some ... would
shove... (same-sex
attracted SA members) off to their own “preference”
pigeonholes, keep
them in their place, leave them consigned to their so-called uniqueness.
Is that the kind of Twelve Step program that AA tough love ushered into
the world?
I
say that most of us in SA don’t want to leave you “outside;” we want
you inside—inside the same “impossible” recovery we have to face. We
want you to stay with us and come through. Who said it would be easy?
Many,
if not most of the opposite-sexers coming in leave because they also
fear they can’t make it. SA is not for the faint-hearted. We want you
to STAY. Stay through into recovery as we have to do.
Yes,
SA is counter-cultural—subversive to the elements in our culture which
are so destructive to the sexaholic! Thank God. No apologies. It’s not
for everyone. If you want the “easier softer way,” the culturally
legitimized, you won’t want SA, and we wish you well, wherever else you
go to find help.
Strange
as it may
seem, the blindness may well be deeper in straights. Gays I see coming
into SA seem to know deep down that they aren’t making it, that
something’s wrong. They’re willing to give up being so shrill and
infernally demanding, forcing the world into telling them they’re okay.
But look at the straights in SA: Some of us act like we’ve got the
world by the tail. But how many have broken the lust barrier? And how
many of us can see our pseudo-sexuality, our mis-connection with the
opposite sex. Are we spiritually blind? We can’t see that we are the
original sex perverts. We who pervert the image of woman and our
relations with women into just another form of sex with ourselves.
Isn’t that same-sex lust?
It’s
easy to see how a gay’s very identity as a human being today is being
defined in sexual terms. But it’s more difficult to see how our
so-called straight personal identity is predicated on our broken
sexuality. Why can’t we see that we are all alike? That’s the depths of
our cultural blindness.
The Cleveland
Clarification - 1999
In
July 1999 at the SA International Conference in Cleveland OH, it was
unanimously agreed
by the Board of Trustees and Delegates Assembly (the SA fellowship-wide
policy making bodies), to issue the following statement, which has come
to be known as "The Cleveland Clarification".
In SA's sobriety
definition the term "spouse" refers to one's partner in a marriage
between a man and a woman.
The 1999 Fall issue of
Essay,
the SA newsletter,
detailed the process that lead to the issuing of
this statement.
This
was in response to a perception of ambiguity, in the
interpretation of the word spouse, in the original wording of the
Sobriety Definition:
In defining sobriety, we
do
not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for
ourselves. This, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means
having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the
spouse. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means
freedom from
sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual
sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust.
From
pages 3-4 of Sexaholics Anonymous, copyright 1989-2008 SA Literature,
all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.
The
Cleveland Clarification has since been incorporated into
the SA main text,
Sexaholics
Anonymous, (aka The White Book) page 192 and the
Newcomers
pamphlet.
SA members from a
same-sex background speak out - 2000
In
April 2000, in response to the Cleveland Clarification, the following
letter was sent to members of the SA Board of Trustees and
Delegates Assembly. It was signed by 66 SA members from the
USA,
Canada, Australia,
Singapore, Spain, Brazil and El Salvador.
To:
SA Trustees and Delegates
We write as SA members for whom same-sex lust and/or behavior has been
a major part of our sexaholism.
Your actions in Cleveland to clarify SA sobriety in unambiguous terms
have provided comfort and security to many of us.
Some of us could find little support for our goal of sobriety until we
came into SA.
Some of us joined SA because it ruled out same-sex behavior as sober
Some of us have boundaries which mean we could not be part of a
fellowship where same-sex behaviour is considered sober.
Some of us initially approached SA sobriety with resistance or
reluctance, only later to appreciate its value.
All
of us thank you for your clear affirmation of SA sobriety. We
thank you for saying that SA will remain the safe haven it has become
for us.
Participation in SA
Service Structure
SA
members from a same-sex background have served in positions across the
entire SA service structure: local
group, Intergroup, Regional, and then fellowship-wide as
members of the policy making Delegates Assembly and Board of Trustees.
Articles in Essay
(SA newsletter) of same-sex lust recovery
Articles by SA members on their recovery from same-sex lust appear
regularly in
Essay,
the SA quarterly newsletter. New articles can be
submitted
to the Essay Editor.
|
2012
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September
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pp 2-6
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The Gift of Brotherhood
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2011
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June
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pp 16-17
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Celebrating 10 Years
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2010
|
March
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pp 2-6
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A New Happiness
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2009
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March
|
pp 2-7
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Facing the Wild Elephant
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2009
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December
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p 13
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At the Airport
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2009
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December
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pp 17-19
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An Unwavering Vision
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2009
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December
|
pp11-12
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My Path to Recovery
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2008
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September
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pp 2-7
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Recovery in Marriage: The Real Connection
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2007
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December
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pp 12-16
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Young and Sober in SA
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2007
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December
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pp 22-25
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Same Sex attraction - Only in God is my Soul at Rest
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2006
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June
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pp 1-4
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A Place
of Peace
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2004
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September
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pp 1-4
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Danger: Taking Recovery for Granted
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2004
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June
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pp 1-8
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Half Measures
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2003
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September
|
pp 10-11
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Just a Sexaholic
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2002
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June
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pp 1-5
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Welcome Home
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2002
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December
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p 8
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Same Sex Issues
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Back issues of
Essay
are available for
purchase from the SA
International Central Office
Recordings of meetings on same-sex lust recovery
Topic
meetings on same-sex lust recovery have become a regular feature
at
SA International
Conferences
since the 1990s. Some regional conferences have also held
such meetings. Some of these meetings are
available as audio recordings. MP3 files of these topic meeting and
other conference recordings where members speak about same-sex
lust can be downloaded here: